Mental health and Financial Difficulties During the Holidays
The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, generosity, and magic. For many families, it’s also a season of immense pressure. Recently, I have noticed in local parenting Facebook group that there are several conversations sharing how difficult this year has been financially. Many families are unsure how they are going to create the holiday spirit when they barely have enough money for rent, let along Christmas gifts and special dinners. It is clear how many moms and parents feel overwhelmed by the need to “make Christmas happen” for their kids, even in the face of rising costs and economic hardships. The desire to create a magical holiday while managing tight budgets leave parents feeling stretched thin. How can we balance the financial strain of the season while still keeping the holiday spirit alive for our kids? And how do we protect our mental health in the process?
The Pressure of the Perfect Holiday
For parents, there’s often an unspoken rule that Christmas should be magical for kids. This expectation, magnified by the pressure of providing lavish gifts and extravagant celebrations, can feel impossible to meet when finances are tight (or non-existent). It’s easy to spiral into guilt or shame, but it’s crucial to remember: You are not defined by what you can buy. While financial stress can take a toll on mental health, the pressure to “perform” during the holidays can make it even worse. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward reducing their power. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. You are still a good parent.
What Really Creates the Holiday Spirit?
Think back to your favorite holiday memories as a child. Chances are, it’s not the most expensive gift you remember. It’s the family traditions, the smell of cookies baking, or the laughter shared over a holiday movie.
The heart of the holiday season isn’t about things—it’s about connection. Focus on what matters most: time with your loved ones. Create moments of magic that don’t cost a dime, like building a fort for a holiday movie night or taking a drive to look at neighborhood lights. These are the memories that will stay with your children long after the season ends. While it’s not always easy, centering the season on time, connection, and family can create a kind of magic that doesn’t rely on spending. The love and presence you bring to your children are far more valuable than anything that can be wrapped and placed under the tree.
I want to acknowledge that the idea of simplifying the holidays can come from a place of privilege. When money isn’t a stressor, it’s simple to suggest focusing on connection over gifts. But for many families, the reality is that financial hardship leaves little choice but to redefine what the holidays mean. I want to be clear that I’m not diminishing the very real challenges so many parents are facing right now. The strain of wanting to provide while feeling unable to meet expectations can be heartbreaking. My goal here isn’t to downplay that struggle but to offer support in navigating it. Being a good parent isn’t about how much you spend; it’s about the love, time, and care you give. My hope is to help normalize and reframe beliefs around what it means to create a meaningful holiday when financial resources are limited.
If you find yourself stuck in a mental rollercoaster trying to navigate all of these feelings, here are some reframes that I suggest trying:
1. Negative Belief: "I can't afford to give my kids a good Christmas."
Reframe To: "I can create a meaningful Christmas by giving my kids my time, attention, and love."
Focus on the experiences and moments that make holidays special—like baking cookies together, sharing stories, or enjoying holiday traditions.
2. Negative Belief: "Other families are giving so much more to their kids."
Reframe To: "Every family celebrates differently, and what matters most is how we show love and care in our home."
Remember that every family’s situation is unique, and social media often shows only the highlights, not the full picture. More presents does not equal or mean "more love".
3. Negative Belief: "I'm failing as a parent because I can’t buy expensive gifts."
Reframe To: "Being a great parent isn’t about spending money; it’s about showing my kids they are loved and valued."
Kids often cherish time and attention over material things, even if they don’t fully articulate it.
4. Negative Belief: "The Holidays are all about gifts."
Reframe To: "Christmas is about connection, kindness, and making memories together."
Shift the emphasis from material items to the values and traditions you want to share with your family.
5. Negative Belief:"I need to make everything perfect for my kids."
Reframe To: "The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful."
Focus on small, achievable joys rather than striving for an unattainable standard.
6. Negative Belief: "We can't afford to do anything special this year."
Reframe To: "We can find joy in simple, creative, and free ways to celebrate."
Take a drive to see holiday lights, have a family movie night, or make handmade decorations together. Just carving out special moments with your kids is enough.
7. Negative Belief: "I wish I could give my kids more."
Reframe To: "What I’m giving my kids is enough."
Remind yourself that emotional presence, stability, and love are priceless gifts.
8. Negative Belief:"I have to do it all on my own."
Reframe To: "It’s okay to lean on my community or simplify where I can."
Look for community resources, like toy drives or holiday events, and accept help when it’s offered.
9. Negative Belief: "I feel so guilty about what I can’t do."
Reframe To: "I am doing my best, and my effort is enough."
Give yourself grace and acknowledge the hard work and love you put into parenting every day.
No matter what your holidays look like this year, know that your worth as a parent isn’t measured by what you can buy but by the love you give. You’re doing an incredible job, and that’s something to celebrate.
Written by:
Kylie Chaffin, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
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